This Little Tale

I hate this story so much that I don’t even want to reblog it, but I feel obligated to since it is something I wrote. I couldn’t think of anything good and I spent the entire day avoiding it. I disassembled a shelf and the top of my desk, went through old school notes, and did a bunch of other things that only procrastination could drive me to do. I finally sat down near midnight and wrote this piece of shit. I promise that next week’s story will be much better because I already know what I’m doing. I know that some of you followed me because of my first story so sorry for any disappointment. And if you haven’t read the first yet, please do. And yeah, I hate it when people apologize for their writing, but seriously, this is just embarrassing.

fiftytwostories:

Jerry had just cut himself while shaving. He stared into the mirror and cursed with colourful words. Poetry, almost.

You see, a week ago, Jerry had been very upset, much like he was now. He was tired of his heart jumping whenever he heard “Jessica” or “Ashley” or “Megan”. “Jennifer” made him cry, “Stephanie” made him want to stab someone, and “Emily” made him want to stab himself. So on that dreadful morning, he made a vow to only date women with uncommon names. And a bonus vow to never date anyone with a heart tattoo. He was just trying to be smart.

He didn’t feel it, but he had thrown off the entire universe by unknowingly casting off his fated love, Sarah, who was, at that very moment, getting a tiny heart tattoo.

This angered the universe, which was why Jerry had to wear a band-aid on his cheek for the rest of the day, resulting in him being called Nelly every few hours or so. (Later, he would swear off any girl named Nelly.)

But the universe was still bitter and Jerry spent the rest of his week tripping over air, missing buses by milliseconds, and eating bad food. He missed opportunities with Mikaela, Changie, and Elora because he was too busy cleaning wounds, running to work, and puking into the toilet.

Finally, the universe had had its fun and left poor, damaged Jerry alone. He went on dates with Merilla, Havana, Willow, and Beliz, but none of them talked. He went on dates with Dawn, Neriah, and Tea, but none of them ate. He went on dates with Yazzie and Zylin, but both were still men. It didn’t take long until he gave up.

Weeks after his last petrifying date, he decided to buy a new wardrobe, foolishly blaming his poor luck on his current attire. He walked into a store and there she was – Sarah, his fated love, with her common name on her nametag, cliché heart tattoo on her exposed wrist, and beautiful lips in Jerry’s desires.

Overcome with love at first sight, he broke all his vows, opened his mouth, and said with roaring desperation, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” to which she so sincerely replied, “Sorry, but I only like women.”

And that is how this little tale ends, with Jerry mentally hanging himself inside a clothing store, cursing in front of his fated lesbian love. Poetry, almost.

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  1. ohstanley reblogged this from catastrophic and added:
    woahhh now. other than the bummer ending, i enjoyed it.
  2. catastrophic reblogged this from fiftytwostories and added:
    I hate this story so...I don’t even want...I feel...
  3. goodnewsgiraffes reblogged this from fiftytwostories
  4. spontaneousviolentlove reblogged this from fiftytwostories
  5. fiftytwostories posted this